65 Jimmy Choo, Fiona Apple, The Ohio Players

The six unlaid ladies of San Francisco shared window space with the Little League team, craning and peering at the Second Coming, cafe style. Kids will be kids, and some of the ten to twelve year olds were bumptious, nearly stepping on the Jimmy Choo’s. But the Good Hustle Ninja, Huancho de la Vega, interceded. The fabulous shoes remained unrubbed and his teammates’ feathers remained unruffled. His logistical canniness insured that everyone at the Plip Plop Coffe Shop’s alley window – an alley in the European vacation sense, for it merged picturesquely with the footbridge over San Anselmo Creek – had sufficient square inches of glass to see baby Drew swatting the pestilential swarm of bicyclists.
Baby Drew’s virtual katas with the flyswatter as sole weapon were like a continuation of the Good Hustle Ninja’s miraculous play at third base, each dropped bicyclist like a runner out at first, with the addition of death.
The Little Leaguers instantly recognized the good form. The six unlaid ladies were moved more profoundly. Baby Drew’s magnificence was instructive. The Frisco Ninja sent the vibration to them, “Now see real man!”
All at once, the mood stabilizers prescribed by medical doctors (but counseled against, militated against by the honorable graduate of San Francisco’s humble yet superb neighborhood gardening traditions), their Paxils et al, evaporated within, and there was a dawning.
Sexy songs old and new were recalled. Instead of a chemical soundtrack constantly existing like San Francisco downtown traffic, they heard Britney Spears,
“Crazy, but it feels all right”
and Fiona Apple, and Robert Cray,
“You might tremble, you might shake”
They heard The Ohio Players,
“Skin tight!”
They heard Christina Aguillera; they heard Babyface; they heard tropicale; they heard reggae. They wanted to fly, to Cancun! Peach schnapps and vodka and cranberry and orange and pineapples juices!
“You’ll feel the power soon. Don’t be afraid of the dark . . .”
All of a sudden they weren’t! But they couldn’t wait twenty years for baby Drew. They were meant to feel the power now!
In short, as tutor to the lovelorn under his real name, Alain de Tochigi, the Frisco Ninja had completed his work. Now they understood the significance of Coit Tower. His parting vibration, while allowing the ladies to stay with their noses pressed to the window, was the dance melody from PICNIC. They could figure out the steps themselves, and thrive.


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